The Power of Transformational Relationships

As a leader, how and with whom you spend your time determines your impact. Yet many of us fail to make purposeful choices when it comes to managing how we allocate our time investments. This is a source of frustration, diminished power, and relationship damage for too many executives. It does not have to be this way. 

As humans, we are uncertainty-averse. Our brains crave the known, recognize patterns, build habits, and turn complex behaviors into something we can do on autopilot. An environment of certainty increases motivation, focus, agility, cooperative behavior, self-control, sense of purpose and meaning, and overall well-being. Yet, as a CEO, you know that this is not the environment you face. Instead, you and your teams are perpetually confronted with a frontier of uncertainty. Faced with this reality, how can you be effective? It starts with relationships—the kind of relationships in which we learn, adapt, and change. The kind that allows for risk-taking, full disclosure, and failure — without which we are unlikely to anticipate and adjust to the uncertainties surrounding us. I call these Transformational Relationships.

Transformational Relationships

Not all relationships are transformational, nor do they need to be. I may like the man who owns the dry cleaning service that I visit regularly, but neither he nor I require much from the relationship other than an agreement that he will take good care of my shirts and slacks and an agreement on my part to pay for the service… in this case, upfront. This is a transactional relationship, and it works just fine for its purpose.

However, dealing effectively with the risks and problems of running a corporation, a business unit, or a government agency takes a deeper reliance on people. A transactional relationship in this context can only provide what is already expected of it — rarely and only by chance can it deal with the uncertainty and the vulnerability we are exposed to in a big job.

Transformational relationships are characterized by the level of generosity and vulnerability that they allow. In transformational relationships, there is trust, openness, curiosity, and a willingness to be changed by the conversation. Transformational relationships open new possibilities and expand capabilities, enabling those in the relationship to identify, commit to and realize new aspirations. I think of this kind of relationship as being co-generative, with each party becoming more fully realized in the process. If you approach relationships as co-generative, they become transformational— enabling you to be a more effective leader. Great leaders invest time in these relationships and prioritize cultivating them.

Shifting Your Mindset

Building transformational relationships requires a shift in mindset. It demands that you become intentional; conscious of using your time purposefully.

One of the exercises I do with CEOs is a calendar review. The review gives the CEO insight into how they have spent their time and with whom they spent it. With this data, we can ask how this squares with their sense of purpose and help them define how they want to spend their time so as to be more aligned with their purpose. While this exercise is simple, its impact can be significant.

Take the example of one CEO who recognized through this exercise that he had invested time at work at the expense of friends, family, and community. This, he realized, was not serving him well and would not serve him well going forward. We worked together to create a calendar that reflected his purpose and intentions—one focused on transformational relationships that were important to him at home, work and beyond. The positive impact of being more purposeful and intentional with his time was felt almost immediately by his organization and his family.

Just enough confidence

You can count on transformational relationships to provide a creative space for dealing with uncertainty. These relationships can help you gain focus, motivation, creativity, and courage when faced with the seemingly impossible. They equip you to manage complexity, be realistic about challenges, and lead from a place of purpose, not fear.

The power of these relationships is generated over time. You can not create these relationships quickly; they must be cultivated. Uncertainty is a constant for CEOs, but for those who cultivate transformational relationships, there is a home base to return to, to rely upon, not for answers, but for creative energy, idea generation, and just enough confidence to act. The power of this creative energy and these relationships enables leaders to be effective and thrive.

The relationships you hold, the types of relationships you create and nurture, and the intentionality with which you approach them define who you are as a leader and the impact you can have.